there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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