Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize