Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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