Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
