Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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