she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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