she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
