So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
