I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
