sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
