He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
