U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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