So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
