Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
