im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
