i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
