he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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