I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
