I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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