had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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