What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
