i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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