I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
