so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
