Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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