these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
