Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
