dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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