Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
