By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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