and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
