I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
