If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
