Got a toothbrush?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
