I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
40s are totally the cure
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
