So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
