Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
