nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
