fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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