the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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