When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
