Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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