tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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