I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
