Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
