we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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