wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
