I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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