My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
