Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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