five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
