I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
