I want to walk on stilts...naked
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
