i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
