my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
