i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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