I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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