Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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