***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
