I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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