i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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