I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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