I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
