He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And then he peed in my hair
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