I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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