I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
