dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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