I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
