i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
