If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
