Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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