I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
