I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ketchup is God's man juice
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
