Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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