is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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