just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
