After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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