the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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