I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
