Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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